My Colonoscopy - it's free because it's Preventive. Right?

No. No it's not. It's not free at all.

As an adult of a certain age, I finally gave in. It was quite a ride. And - spoiler alert - I will not do it again.

I made the appointment. Here in Minneapolis, MN that meant finding a Dr who would do it. So I skimmed the clinic's website. Oh wow. There's Tim Kinney. I went to high school with him. Nice guy, Drove a THING...pretty cool car. Played sax in band. Wore a lot of shirts with tropical flowers on them. Pretty sure his grades we not even close to mine. Yeah, not getting a look at my colon. So I picked some random Dr. Should be fine. See you in...gulp...5 months. At 7am.

Bought the stool softening pills. Made the jug of stuff to drink. Spend most of the 6 hours of "toilet time" wondering how my body knew to send that liquid out of my butt instead of my urethra. Just amazing.

Got there on time. Laid on the table. And as the assistant was giving me something to make me sleepy, the physician laid a clipboard on my chest and asked me to sign the release. Are you serious? What am I supposed to do....read it? It was 6 pages long and I am pretty sure the font was size 10.

I signed it. Whatever.

Procedure seemed fine. Not terrible. Better than a sinus infection. Worse than flossing my teeth.

A few days later, I get the news. They had found polyps. But they were benign. Phew.

A month after that, I got a bill. Park Nicollet, owned by a health insurance company, billed $8500 or so. Holy. And my insurance covered it all.

A week later, I got a bill for $792. That was for removing and testing the polyps. I complained. Why? I thought it was Preventive. There was no diagnosis. And let's face, it, I have stuff growing all over my body nowadays (did I mention I am a person of a certain age?). So THAT'S not a reason to remove and test the polyps. And they were not cancerous. So there was no diagnosis there either.

The person I called did not make the call. They said they would file my appeal and get back to me.

Appeal denied.

I log onto their site to pay because I am "over it" by now. And I have the $ in my HSA.

Balance owed: $0

An angel at the clinic must've been looking out for me. I was thrilled.

Three months later, the billed arrived. It was back. I owed the money. I paid the money.

I told everyone. It's my passive-aggressive way of shaming the clinic. And now I am telling you. The punchline? A buddy of mine who is a GI doc at Mayo told me his thoughts:

"Just take Cologuard. It is cheaper and easier. And faster. And no toilets. And it is accurate. If you question the accuracy, take a couple a year. They can't all be false negatives. I would never go to a clinic for a colonoscopy."

What a ride. And I am in this business. What's it like for the rest of you?